The Most Difficult Question for People to Answer

A huge part of my business is talking with people. That’s how I get to know them, their challenges, their dreams, and it’s ultimately how I build my business. I love to ask questions and I love observing what questions are quick to answer and which ones take more time. Far and away, the most difficult question for people to answer is “What do you want? And along with that, “what does that look like.”ID-100161905

 

What do you want? Is the easier of the two, and people usually spout off a general answer. “I want more money.” “I want better relationships,” or “I want more time to do the things I want to do.” But when you ask the second question, what does that look like, it’s like you’ve thrown them a surprise curve ball.

 

How difficult the question is to answer has a lot to do with how close to the surface their dream or their vision is. For example, I will occasionally come across someone who has buried their dream so deep with excuses and fear, that sometimes it seems impossible to access. The excuses are so comfortable, so they stay where it’s safe.

 

And then there are those who have dared to dream. Even though what they want may not be a reality, they have faith enough in what they want, that they begin on the path towards it, even if they can only see a few steps in front of them at a time. Their commitment to the goal is what pushes them forward, even through opposition.

 

No matter where you’re at with your dreams, the important thing is that you are on the path to living your best life. Most of us could be living better lives. We could be having better relationship, more money, improved health, deeper joy, increased love, and a profound sense of fulfillment. But often time something stops us short of what it is we want most.

 

The step for you to take today is to ask yourself, what do I want? If I could design my life so that it brought me the most happiness, fulfillment and joy, what would it look like? What would I be doing? How would I feel about myself in that instance? What would I believe about myself? We are master creators. Creation starts with a vision. Even if that vision is only a few steps forward, have the courage to go as far as you can, and trust that the next steps will reveal themselves when the time is right.

Fake it.

A couple of months ago I was talking to a young man who was a very successful entrepreneur and he was explaining that he wanted to be a speaker, but he didn't know how to get that started. 

 

As I sat across the room from him I piped up and threw in my two cents. iStock 000023118125XSmall

 

"You just start telling people you're a speaker. That's what I did." And that's literally what I did.  One day I thought, "I want to speak to people. I have something to say that's important." So I just started to tell people I was a speaker. Everywhere I went when someone would ask what I did, I would simply respond by saying that I was a speaker. 

 

Looking back, it wasn't just telling people I was a speaker that was the important thing. As I would tell people I was a speaker, my mind became more conscious and aware of all things that had to do with speaking. I started to listen and learn how to be a good speaker from other good speakers. I was lead to mentors who helped me refine my own speaking style and hone into what my signature system is. 

 

There is a powerful principle to be learned here. When we use affirmations in our lives, they work best when we describe them as if they already were happening to us. Instead of saying, "Someday, I will be a great speaker," we would say "I am an inspiring and entertaining speaker." When we speak, act and live as if that thing we want is already part of us, we can't help but attract opportunities to become that into our lives. 

 

That's why I say fake it. If you want something bad enough in your life, fake it. Now, by "fake it" I don't mean to be dishonest and misleading. What I do mean, is that if you want something, start acting today as if that thing were already part of your life. Believe and have faith that you have everything you need right now. Trust that it will work out. Make room for it. Seek out opportunities to grow and learn. DO IT! If you're a speaker, ask for opportunities to speak. And don't even wait to be asked. If there is ever an opening to speak, even for 30 seconds, take it! Speak! Honor what you want to have or be by creating a space for it to be planted and it will grow in you.

 

What do you want to be/do/see/experience/have? Ask yourself, "What would I need to do in order to make this a reality, and start doing it. Action is where the magic happens. So get moving.  

 

 

 

 

Your new BFF

There was a girl in High School that I used to avoid. Long story short, she didn't get appointed as a class officer and wanted to know why. Talk about an awkward conversation! So my whole game plan was to appear busy and avoid her at all costs. And boy, did it take up a lot of energy. I remember changing routes through the school just so I we didn't have to talk. I felt so mean, but at the time, the fear of the confrontation really controlled me. 

 

Ironically life is often like this. There is something we fear doing, so instead of doing it, we waste lots of time and energy avoiding it. 

 

One of my favorite things to do as a coach is to help people see how they're avoiding pain. It can show up in literally any behavior because it's not WHAT we do, it's WHY we do it that effects our results. 

 

If you really want to uplevel your life, stop making fear the girl you want to avoid. Instead, make fear your best friend. Instead of avoiding that pain, confront it. Like my highschool experience, the pain of the situation was mostly in my head. And most likely that's the same with your situation. The only way to find out is to challenge it. Do what you're afraid of and see what happens. It will either be terrible or it won't be that bad. Either way, you lived through it and that's pretty much all that matters. 

 

When in doubt, ask WHY

When in doubt, ask WHY.

 

Recently I found myself struggling to choose from 4 great opportunities, all taking place on the same weekend. Ugh! I knew about them plenty of time in advance, but I procrastinated making a decision on which to particpate in because I wasn't sure which one would be the best opportunity for me. 

 

You see, when I first started working my business I realized pretty quickly that you could easily get sucked in to attending events, networking groups, expos, masterminds, retreats, workshops, etc. and the list goes on. If you're not careful and purposeful, it's easy to waste a lot of time. The prayer in my heart has always been that I would know where I was supposed to be. As a single Mom, it has always been a priority of mine to be present to raise my daughter. That responsibility is at the forefront of my mind and my heart, and clearly I can't be in all places at once, nor can I be all things to all people, so I've always wanted to know where I should be. In my mind, the only person who can know that is God. So I've had to trust Him to be my eyes in that respect. 

 

Back to my dilema. 

 

As I weighed the options in my mind I could easily justify each of them, but I still struggled to choose. Looking back, I think the "big guy upstairs" was just messing with me a bit. Sometimes I hate learning life lessons. 

 

After venting my frustration to my coach, she being a mom of 2 and owner of 3 businesses could of course relate. She encouraged me to get in touch with my WHY. Ask myself, "WHY am I doing this? WHY am I in business?" She told me to write down my "WHY" on a 3 x 5 card and put somewhere I could see it or carry it with me. 

 

It seemed to simplistic and I questioned what impact it could really have, but I did it. 

 

Ironically, after taking time to reflect on my WHY and writing it down made making that choice crystal clear. It was like everything fell in to place. I knew which option I should choose. And the cool part is that once I committed to it, everything I needed to make it happen fell into place to support that choice.

 

I believe it's not WHAT we do, it's WHY we do it that effects the results we get in our lives. This experience took that concept to a new level for me. 

 

Doubt, confusion or even frustration, are sign that we've become out of touch with our WHY. Get Clear. Commit. Act. When we act in alignment with that higher purpose, blessings can't help but flow.    

 

I challenge you: Write down your WHY. Write it on a 3x5 card and carry it with you. Put it on the visor in your car. Make it the first thing you see when you open your wallet. A cleary WHY will influence every decision you make. Observe how that simple declaration can can effect every move you make. 

5 tips to overcoming FEAR in business

If you’re new to business, and even if you’re a seasoned professional, it’s common to encounter fear. Here are a few tips that can help you overcome fear when it arises on your path forward.

First, know your WHY. I really believe that It’s not what you do, it’s WHY you do it that creates the results you want in your life. Your WHY speaks louder than anything you say. People can feel it. Become clear on why you’re doing what you’re doing and you will be able to move through it more easily.

Next, become an accountable creator. A fear of certain results is an indicator that we are not committed to our own results. No matter what the result,  continue to move forward and become accountable for whatever you’ve created. Consistent strategic action creates results.

Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Your success will be determined by your willingness to be uncomfortable, so instead of avoiding it, recognize being uncomfortable as a signal of growth and KEEP GOING!

Change your definition of FEAR. Instead of seeing fear as a signal to back off, see fear as the doorway to what you want. See fear as a confirmation that you’re on the right path.

And finally, remember WHO YOU ARE. The more connected you are to your innate worth, the less likely you are to allow fear to affect your outcomes. Remember, you are not your results. You are already more valuable than anything you will create in this life. Tap into that abundance

and you can conquer the world.

For more breakthrough training, check out our free monthly Business Energy Breakthroughs trainings at www.melissabamfo.com.

Being an Intuitive Business Owner

Good Vibrations

Contrary to what you might be thinking, we’re not talking about the Beach Boys today. Although I do think Hawaiian shirts and flip flops would make the world a happier place. But that aside, today we’re going to learn about vibration. It’s one of those words I think we hear a lot, but rarely understand what it’s referring to and why it’s so important to us.

First thing you need to know about vibration is that we are all made up of energy. That’s hard to believe when you look at a human being with all the complexities of the body. Imagine! Our Hair, skin, brains, and all those innards.  But when you break it down, we’re just a bunch of atoms bound together. And those atoms are in constant motion, vibrating in their own unique frequency and pattern.

When understanding vibration, it’s also very important to know that everything else in our world is made up of energy too! Trees, buildings, books, etc. Because of our nature, words are extremely powerful influencers when it comes to vibration. In fact, our whole lives we have used words to define us and others.  Much like atoms, each word has a vibration to it. Certain words have a higher or stronger vibration then others. Like the words love and gratitude. They are two of the highest vibrating words in the English language. And you can probably guess why. Who doesn’t feel great when they get love, or are showing or receiving gratitude?  And just from this simple example, you can probably guess what words have some of the lowest vibrations.

If our goal in life is to be our strongest and best selves it makes sense that we would want to surround ourselves, and fill ourselves with things that have the highest vibrations possible, right? Bob Greene, a fitness expert said “We are what we choose.” I love that quote because it is so true. We literally become what we choose. Because everything is energy, the food we eat, the music we listen to, the people we surround ourselves, the words we use, all literally become part of us and contribute to our own unique vibration.

It’s important to also realize that sometimes we pick up vibrations that are not necessarily ours by choice. Have you ever walked into a room after someone has been fighting? Could you feel the tension, so thick you could cut it with a knife? I’ve heard of parents who have tried to hide a rocky relationship from their children. And yet, when they announced their divorce, the children knew it was coming. Because we are beings of vibration, we can know things, not because they are told to us, but simply because we can feel that vibration.

Also, have you ever paid attention to the constant chatter that goes on in your head? We are in a constant conversation with ourselves trying to process what is happening to us.  When we are rejected we tell ourselves, “I must not be good enough.” Or when we achieve a goal, we tell ourselves “I knew I could do that!” We’re in a constant exchange of ideas.  From the time we’re born until age 6 we are literally creating our subconscious mind through the words we tell ourselves.   Those words either strengthen or weaken our vibration and you can imagine what happens over years and years of repeating those same messages.

This is why I love energy medicine so much! Energy therapy is literally the process of looking at your subconscious, that place where your emotions and beliefs are stored, and removing those thoughts, feelings and beliefs that no longer serve you. We get rid of those false beliefs that have been holding you back and sabotaging your efforts to change. We change the words you are saying to yourself. The negative messages of “I’m not enough,” “I can never do anything right,” and “I don’t deserve to be happy, successful, or loved” are acknowledged and released. Then we plant positive words. “I am always more than enough, “ and “I am worthy and deserving of happiness, success and love.” After my first session, I literally felt like I a burden had been lifted! Those heavy negative beliefs I had been carrying around for years were finally gone. And it was that simple. 

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